Another kind of being of service

I haven’t had the opportunity to attend a meeting since Avalon on Catalina and that seems like forever ago. And though we are definitely within the cruising pack I have yet to have any AA encounters due to my flag. For those who don’t know I had a flag made before we left home –Big Book blue with the AA triangle/circle symbol embroidered in white.

I did have another chance to carry the message though. So as we are making friends along the way I usually tell people I am in recovery given the time and the right situation. I don’t introduce myself “hi my name is Kat and I am a drunk” but it does usually come up once we have more than a few encounters with people. As a result of that I had another couple ask me some pretty serious questions about a friend’s problems with alcohol.

While this doesn’t give me the instant gratification of running into another living breathing recovering alcoholic it does offer me the opportunity to share my experience strength and hope in a sort of CPC or PI kind of way. In this latest instance all I could really offer was that it wasn’t hopeless that there is recovery available and it does work for millions of people. Plus some suggestions to make contact with a real professional for guidance in helping the alcoholic see too that there was an alternative.

Doesn’t it still amaze you how many drunks really don’t know there is hope? Too many have never met anyone who had the same problem but who found a new way of life and become their own miracle.

So, who knows what will happen in the life of the man in question. But hopefully his friends now have some idea of choices they can make and information to pass on to the family if they want to seek help for him and for themselves.

Other than that, what’s happening in my life? Well the biggest roadblocks in my recovery are long passages. When we do a multi day passage my whole routine gets out of whack. We have not done any long passages (weeks’ long passages across oceans.) The two-three day passages are just long enough to get your mind just begging for sleep and not long enough to establish a routine. So what are the first things to fall out of rhythm? My daily reading, my back exercises and my daily meditation. Then with the loss of those and the concurrent loss of serenity my attitude gets dicey.

Then everything affects me on a level of reaction instead of deliberate action and everything begins to fall apart. Add in to that a increased stress level with equipment failures and the unknowns of entering our first “real” foreign country (BC doesn’t really count) and then my back tightens up, my pain level increases and I cant sleep which is what I need more than anything. It’s all cyclical. I DO find myself praying a good deal which is good but I would bet my HP would rather I came seeking answers and acknowledging gratitude than in the desperation of “please, help me start my day over,” “help me not kill Bill for being such a Neanderthal” and “oh shits, get us out of this.”

The odd part of this that always strikes me is that when I am drinking and using I am the last person to need and want routine and order. I seem to seek out chaos and disorder. But in recovery I have found that routine offers me a grace. Order gives me solace and serenity. When I fill my life with them I find the freedom to be who I think I am supposed to be. Instead of a woman of intent I become a woman with choice and result and happiness. My mind flourishes and my HP offers me what I never even could have dreamed of.

Thanks for being here for me. Kat