9/17 Lesson: Let go and let God.

Good Morning,


Sometimes I just need to get out of my own way and let God give me what I need. When I sit down to write to you at my AA blog it is starting to feel like it does when I walk into a meeting. That moment of "ahhhhhhh, I am home, in the rooms I call home." I have always loved the way that hits me and it rarely fails to fall over me no matter what meeting I am attending. Now that I am traveling I have a tendency to get excited at the prospect of getting to a meeting. I look forward to being there and look forward to being the one who gets to answer when they ask "is there anyone here from outside the area." Admitting my ego here too because it is highly likely that they are going to be wonderfully welcoming and I get to be the celebrity of the hour. (An alcoholic with an ego who would have thunked."

We are in Avalon, Catalina Island and I was lucky enough to be able to attend a women’s meeting. It was small and personal and I got to keep my ego in check because their format didn’t ask for visitors. During some months they're inundated with visitors and the home group members are few. Perhaps it is a way they have devised to keep the ebb and flow of the fellowship in some equilibrium.. In Alaska they are literally dying for visitors and in Avalon the fellowship may actually be damaged by the over flow. Hmm. Hard to tell.....maybe in fact it is just how it is supposed to be. Anyway, the meeting was small and intimate and like a breath of air to me.

Catalina had been wonderful for us. A great break. With no family and no visitors coming we have been able to really relax. And in that relaxation and pause I received a huge gift. There was a boat on the mooring ball next to us that we spoke to for a few minutes. Liz and Chris. I instantly felt like I wanted to talk with them some more but we had to run off because the dive shop was holding a time to inspect and fill one of our tanks. We didn’t see them later in the day but I was hopeful that we would talk again.

The next morning I woke up and looked out and their boat was gone. Shit. Well, OK, that’s too bad. Later in the morning we headed in to town planning on getting some breakfast and checking for our mail. As we arrived at the dingy dock the two of them were just grabbing an open spot. As we were trying to tie up Liz tried to help and promptly lost her footing on the rolling dock and nearly tumbled into the bay. She managed to stay dry by performing a surprisingly agile dock dismount - stepping into another tied dink rather than falling into the bay. Since I am the grand pooh bah of klutz I instantly adored her. And with that we decided we should definitely go do breakfast.

We talked for hours about boating. Living on boats, working on boats, buying boats , boats, boats boats. Oh and diving and where we live, what we do.............blah, blah, blah. At the end of the visit we were standing on the sidewalk making plans to have dinner on their boat. As we were about to depart they said oh, we have a dry boat so if you want something to drink its BYOB. NO problem.......... the hairs on the back of my neck were standing up.

We met a few hours later and had a wonderful meal and talked for 3 1/2 hours before we all moved to our boat for a tour. As we sat around the table talking it came up in passing. I told them I was in recovery and they both just smiled. They said when we answered them at breakfast about not drinking they figured we were in recovery. Saying there usually are only two kinds of people who answer the way we did.......recovering alcoholics and highly religious people. Since we hadn’t come across as the highly religious types their guess was on fellow AA’ers.

These are the first people I have met in recovery on this trip who came from out of context. They weren’t at an AA meeting and I still found them. Or they found me. And I like them. Really like them. We have so much in common it is sort of spooky.

So the lesson I am learning here, that keeps being placed in front of me is this: When I let my fears over rule I end up in a place of worry and fear that I won’t be able to do this whole sail around the world thing AND stay sober and connected to the fellowship. But if I look for ways to be in recovery where I am, look for ways to carry the message and be of service then God will and does lead me into fellowship. It mostly doesn’t look like it did at home……and it will likely get even more different before it gets to be “normal” but my HP isn’t letting me fall and hasn’t left me out here all alone.

They also dive so right now we are following them to Emerald Bay to spend a few days diving and visiting and sharing a few meals. I am in heaven. I am trying to stay in the moment and appreciate the gift in my lap and not worry about the fact that they will be staying behind in San Pedro while we go on to Mexico. That doesn’t matter. What matters is that I need to trust that God will give me what I need. I will make new friends and find all the fellowship I need. All I need to do is be open and willing to carry my own experience strength and hope…the rest is all gravy.

Love, kat